Dear Sargento Cheese People,

Dear Sargento Cheese People,

Whilst doing my usual grocery shopping recently, I purchased a package of cheddar-jack slices.

Upon returning home, I realized I had made a terrible mistake: I accidentally purchased “ultra thin” slices.

Now, surely (being people who make cheese) you understand that this world holds no purpose whatsoever for cheese which is ultra-thinly sliced. Not. EVER.

Ladies and gentlemen, frankly, I am alarmed by the fact that your company has even come up with such a ridiculous notion as ultra-thinly sliced cheese. It is an abomination.

Purposely slicing cheese in an ultra-thin manner is simply appalling.

For the sake of cheese lovers everywhere, I implore you: stop this madness. Just walk away from it. People who want cheese do not want it in supermodel form.

The offending ultra-thin cheese.


4 thoughts on “Dear Sargento Cheese People,

  1. Argh! I always come here and read your blogs … never have anything intelligent to say … but this new flash begs comment. Such a thing should never exist! It’s akin to finding out that a close relative is a (bad) witch. It’s truly an abomination. Eat all of the slices at the same time!! Oh, it makes me cringe.


    1. Aha! I’ve missed you, Pet! Good to know that a subject as important and horrifying as thinly sliced cheese can bring people together. 🙂 Hope you’re doing well…


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