This thing sounds so fabulous, I don’t know if I could handle its fabulousness.

I’m not much of a shopper.

Actually, that’s an understatement. I go to great lengths to avoid shopping of all kinds.

As one who doesn’t particularly enjoy shopping, I have come to appreciate the convenience that comes with browsing online. Trying to get ever so slightly ahead of the game this year, I was browsing Amazon the other day. More than anything, I was just kind of looking for Christmas ideas for the family.

Ah! Amazon has an entire section dedicated to grooming! Perfect. The Hubbster is rather…. hairy. I couldn’t help but wonder if they had something useful that he hasn’t tried before.

That’s when I came across “Weishi”. What the heck is a Weishi, I wondered. I clicked on the link and was taken to this entertaining mess of an advertisement.

We are positive that you could feel our highly technology in first touch, you could feel very smooth touch when you are using it.

Gosh. It doesn’t even sound like something that could possibly be real. With a description like that, coupled with a picture that looks more like thy are using carpentry tools, how could one resist finding out more?

Hold up. Are you freaking kidding me, Amazon? All that for an old fashioned razor, that doesn’t even cut your hair off with lasers and whisk away the leftover bits of hair in individual little spaceships and have Rosie from The Jetsons apply aftershave and tap you on the head with a magic wand to suddenly have you dressed impeccably in a James Bond-type suit? After all that talk of highly technology? For real?

Alas. It is just an old-fashioned razor.

It does have some more excellent English-as-a-second-language descriptions, though.

Please be excited. Always repeated the advanced technical innovation — again, no lasers, no robots, no spaceships. But do, please, please do, be excited.

Man. I feel so let down.

How to Wear Pants

Thank goodness for “Womens’s Fashion” advertising. How else would I learn to wear pants?

Now, if I could just figure out how to wear the rest of my wardrobe. Shoes go on your head, right…?