It Finally Happened.

I am officially an adult.

I know, I’m as shocked and confused as everybody else by this fact — and fact it is — but there is no denying it.

I, Erin All-You’ve-Gotta-Do-Is Breen, am hereby excited about an appliance. And that, dear reader, is a surefire sign you are an adult.

What has caused this sudden and drastic transition into the great grownup beyond? I’ll tell you. I am excited because … wait for it… we have just bought ourselves, for the very first (and likely last) time ever, a brand spanking new washer and dryer.

YES. We got a new washer and dryer!

Guys. I am so psyched. Like, to the point I shold probably be embarrassed. Except that I’m so not embarrassed that I am even sharing my excitement for the entire world to see.

To truly understand the sheer glee that has overtaken my soul, you must know the backstory behind our old washer and dryer.

We got the set at a secondhand store for about $75. They were a good investment for the price. They worked. Well, technically they worked.

You have to always have the dryer set on low (which actually puts the temperature on high), because if you have it set on high, it just sits there making noise, but not doing much of anything else. Other than that, though, it really does an all right job of drying. Pretty much.

The washer, on the other hand, is a little more complicated. You have to set it on hot for cold water to work, and cold for hot water. And it leaks if you have it set on anything except the “heavy” cycle. Oh, and it never goes into the spin cycle on its own. Our lives have revolved around washing clothes and listening for the machine to stop, so we can go in there and set it to the spin cycle. Sometimes, (after manual activation) the spin cycle would work. Other times, not. You had to just keep plugging away at it until it spun. (Span. Spain? Spun looks weird, but I’m 98% sure that’s a word. Then again, I am a person who could not think of the word tub once, and also who mistook edamame for sugar snap peas.) Oh, and when it did spin, you had to run it several times through the cycle, because it only sort of spun, and the fact that it had such difficulty with that task meant that it always had a tiny bit of water in there, causing a constant ever-so-slight mildew scent. Yeah, gross. And it almost caught on fire once, but we caught it and fixed the wiring. In a nutshell, after a time, it was not much better than a glorified, noisy soaking bucket.

I almost feel bad.

Almost.

Oh. Oh, yeahhhhh.

So, farewell, Old Soldier. You served well. It is time to pass the torch to the youngsters.

Now… what shall I wash first?

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Amazon is at it again

I was just browsing Amazon, as I do occasionally when I don’t really feel like being productive. As usual, I came across another useful gem.

Owner of little pug looks so proud of herself here. She clearly has no idea what she is in for.

May may I present to you the Puff-N- Fluff dog dryer. This thing just might be old news, but I don’t have cable TV (and I like it that way!), so it’s new to me.

I can’t say for sure, but I think this is just an overrated balloon with leg slots that you stick your dog inside of. Like a space suit.

After you have magically coaxed your pup, who is likely already agitated and wet following a bath, you stick your hairdryer in there. Presumably the idea here is to inflate the suit with warm air, providing your beloved doggo with a nice sort of hair salon drying experience.

I am not smiling because you bathed me and stuck me in a balloon space suit thingy. I plotting your demise, and smiling at the thought of your horrible, feces-covered death.

Now, I’m not sure about your dog, but I can tell you that all three of mine would be terrified of this contraption. I have enough trouble just getting them to sit still for something like a basic brushing or nail trimming. I can’t even fathom trying to stick them in a balloon suit and then turn on a hair dryer. They would have a conniption fit.

As a matter of fact, I bet you if I was to give them a bath and then stick them in this thing, they would poop all over themselves whilst running all throughout the house, and we’d be back worse than we started.

I have to say that I’m grateful to the guy who comes up with these ideas. They definitely provide me with an endless source of entertainment.

I may look harmless, but I’m actually getting ready to poop everywhere. And then I will chew your face and ankles clean off.

Feel like this is a thing you’ve got to have? You can buy one here. Please, if you do decide to invest in one of these, send me photos of the aftermath.